The biggest enemy of long-distance relationships is not distance, but suspicion caused by a sense of loss of control. When two people can’t keep track of each other’s dynamics at all times, the brain will unconsciously fall into “negative brain supplement”: Does he not care about me if he doesn’t reply to the message in time? Is it a situation for her to party alone with friends? This kind of suspicion is like boiling frogs in warm water, slowly consuming mutual trust and breaking the relationship invisibly. In fact, the trust of long-distance relationships does not arise out of thin air, but requires building a “trust account” through continuous positive interaction, just like saving money.

“Transparency” is not the same as “monitoring”, but actively giving a sense of security. Many people mistakenly believe that long-distance relationships should “give each other space”, but they ignore that the core of security is “certainty”. You can agree on suitable “transparent boundaries” with the other party: such as informing the other party of important itineraries in advance, taking the initiative to report safety when returning late, and occasionally sharing small details in life (such as what you ate for lunch and interesting things you encounter on the road). This kind of active sharing is not a restraint, but a way to tell the other person “I have you in my heart”. It should be noted that transparency should be based on voluntary and avoid becoming check-style control, otherwise it will only lead to rebellious psychology.

“Clarifying in time” is more effective than “explaining after the fact.” In a long-distance relationship, a vague sentence or a delayed reply can cause suspicion. When you find that the other person’s mood is wrong, don’t rush to justify, but empathize first: “I know you won’t be anxious if you can’t wait for my news, it’s because I didn’t think it through”, and then explain the specific reason. At the same time, when you have suspicion, you must also learn to “communicate directly” rather than “cold war temptation”. For example, you can say, “You didn’t reply to me yesterday, I’m a little worried, are you busy?”, instead of saying, “You don’t have me in your heart at all”. Expressing concerns directly allows the other person to clearly understand your needs and avoid escalating misunderstandings.

“Shared memories” are the glue of trust. Distance can dilute the details of getting along, but the good memories of shared experiences can be the support of trust. You can regularly review the sweet moments of the past with each other: such as the scene of the first meeting, the difficulties overcome together, and the promise to each other. You can also create new shared memories: like watching a movie at the same time, cooking together online, and agreeing on an itinerary for the next meeting. These shared experiences allow two people to feel that “we are one” and feel each other’s presence even when they are in different places, thereby reducing suspicion and strengthening trust.