I’ve noticed that many people who have been hurt in relationships, regardless of gender, have a particular fondness for doing one thing: repeatedly asking him all sorts of questions.
Why doesn’t he love me anymore?
Where did I go wrong?
I’ve been so good to her, why does she insist on rejecting me?
Why did she choose that man?
Why did he leave me and get together with that woman?
Will he come back?
Will he regret it?
If he regrets it someday, should I forgive him?
All these questions will be asked endlessly, over and over again! Do these questions even have answers? Even if they do, is it meaningful to know them?
It’s over between you two anyway. He’s not answering your calls anymore, he’s unfollowed you on social media, you’re divorced, and he told you he doesn’t love you!
Isn’t that enough?! What else do you need to know?
Can their relationship last?
What if she is deceived by him?
What’s it to you? You two are no longer related, understand? Don’t waste your time on people and things that have nothing to do with you, understand?
I once advised a woman who was engrossed in “100,000 Whys” to list all her questions, and then write down her answers to each question below.
She asked why I did that? I said because by doing it, you realize that you’re not actually seeking answers, you’re torturing yourself.
For example, she asks me, “Why did he lie to me?” If I answer that it’s because he’s a shameless man, you’ll immediately retort, “No, he’s a good person; you don’t know him!”
Then I said, okay, I don’t know him, he’s a good person.
You got upset again, saying, “If he’s a good person, why would he lie to me?” I had no choice but to say that although he is a good person, he has a mistress.
You then launched into a tirade, cursing the mistress for being shameless, pounding the drum in anger, and repeatedly demanding to know why she was so shameless, that she must have been deceived by him, and that he would regret it in the future!
You’re back to your original question: Why did he lie to me? Why did he deceive me?
You just need to write down all the answers: Why did he lie to me? Why did he lie to me? The answer is that he has a mistress.
That way, you won’t have to ask every hour, “Why did he lie to me? Why did he lie to me?”
She actually did it, and the result was that every hour she would overturn the answer she had given an hour earlier, and then ask the question again to find a new answer.
After a while, she finally gave up. She told me that she had searched online and found dozens of pages of answers.
I said, “Got it? From now on, before you ask any questions, just search online. Your husband isn’t the only man in this world who lies to his wife. Besides, relationships are inherently complicated. When he loved you, you never asked him why he loved you and not your senior or colleague. So why ask why when he doesn’t love you anymore? When he loved you, you took it for granted; when he said you were the most lovable woman in the world, you didn’t think he was lying or exaggerating; why do you feel it’s an injustice when he doesn’t love you anymore?”
How can people tell you the truth?
The truth is, I don’t love you anymore. I can’t go home tonight because I have to be with so-and-so… What do you mean by that? If I tell you, won’t you go and catch them cheating?
Of course, I also think it’s shameless for someone to betray a promise of lifelong commitment. But since he’s been so shameless, let’s break it off quickly! Fight for the best possible outcome, then live our lives well. Why keep asking: Will he regret it? Was he truly sincere?
Regardless of gender, if someone no longer loves you, even if you still love them, you have to face reality. The reality might be that the other person is blind and doesn’t realize you’re a “precious gem,” or it might be that you’re not good enough for them.
No matter what, the outcome is the same. This relationship is over. The best way to deal with an ended relationship is to temporarily put it aside, avoid touching it, and start a new life as quickly and as possible. Don’t dwell on whether he will regret it or still think about you.
If you’re really struggling with this, then I can tell you with certainty that if you live a miserable life, people will only be glad they dumped you early on!
