In a long-distance relationship, loneliness is the norm: no one takes care of you when you are sick, no one shares when you are happy, and when you see others in pairs, you will inevitably feel lost. If this loneliness is not relieved, it can turn into anxiety, which in turn questions the meaning of the relationship. In fact, the essence of distance anxiety in long-distance relationships is “fear of loneliness” and “uncertainty about relationships”. Only by learning to reconcile with loneliness and maintain yourself can you stay calm in a long-distance relationship and let the relationship develop healthily.

“Accept loneliness”, not fight loneliness. Many people in long-distance relationships will rely too much on each other because they are afraid of loneliness, such as sending messages frequently and asking the other person to accompany them at any time, which will make them more anxious. In fact, loneliness is a normal emotion, and there is no need to resist it. You can try to accept the existence of loneliness: when you feel lonely, tell yourself that “this is what long-distance relationships must experience, and that a short separation is for a better encounter.” After accepting loneliness, you will not pin all your hopes on the other person, but learn to digest your emotions yourself, so as to reduce your dependence on the other person and relieve anxiety.

“Enrich yourself” and let life have its own focus. In a long-distance relationship, the most terrifying thing is not the distance, but the “loss of yourself” – spending all your time and energy on the other person, and your life becomes blank. When the other person cannot be accompanied, they will feel at a loss and anxiety will naturally breed. You can use your time away from home to focus on self-growth: such as cultivating a hobby (painting, playing the piano, reading), improving your work or study ability, gathering with friends, and exercising. When your life becomes fulfilling and exciting, you will not be too entangled in “whether the other person is with me”, but will feel confident because of your own growth, and this confidence will also be passed on to the other party, making the relationship more balanced.

“Set ‘small goals'” to give the relationship a clear expectation. Another source of distance anxiety is “uncertainty” – not knowing how long the distance will last and not knowing if they will be able to come together in the future. You can set clear “long-distance goals” with each other: such as “meet in half a year”, “end the off-site in one year”, and “get engaged within two years”. This goal should be specific, feasible, and mutually recognized. With clear goals, you will feel that the off-site is “time-limited” and that every wait is meaningful, thereby reducing confusion about the future and relieving anxiety. At the same time, you can also split the big goal into small goals: such as “go check in XX attractions together next time we meet” and “read a book together this month”, by achieving small goals, accumulate a sense of accomplishment, and make the process of long-distance relationship more motivating.

“Self-care”, be gentle with your emotions. In a long-distance relationship, it is inevitable that there will be times when you are depressed, so don’t blame yourself for being “not strong enough”, but learn to take care of yourself. You can do things that make you feel happy: eat a favorite meal, watch a healing movie, listen to soothing music, and complain with good friends. You can also write a letter of encouragement to yourself, telling yourself, “You are already great, and being able to persist in a long-distance relationship shows that you are serious enough about this relationship.” Self-care is not indulgence, but about giving yourself warmth and strength when you are at an emotional trough, so that you have the courage to continue to face challenges in a different place.